1. What qualities first drew me to my partner?
2. What troubling qualities does my partner have that are similar to my early caretakers?
3. What qualities does my partner have that I think I lack?
4. What needs am I (unsuccessfully) trying to meet through my relationship:
5. Which of the above needs did my early caretakers have difficulty meeting?
6. What opposite roles do my partner and I currently take (teacher/student, rigid/impulsive…)?
7. What action would I need to take to change conflicting roles in my relationship?
8. What facts about gender differences help me better understand my partner?
9. What changes would I need to make to better balance Yin/Yang qualities in myself?
10. What defend-withdraw-attack reactions do I use when communicating with my partner?
11. Which understand-express-defuse responses am I willing to start using regularly?
12. What am I currently doing to “fix” or tolerate relationship problems that is no longer working:
13. What could I do that would be the opposite or different from the above?
14. What things do (did) I do when my relationship is (was) going well that I no longer do?
15. What would my partner say I need to change for my relationship to improve?
16. What could I do to change how, where, and when a problem happens or who handles it?
17. What action could I take when attempts to solve a problem through talking are not working?
18. For which problems do I need strategies?
Jealousy and control
Lack of Romance
Sexual problems and differences
Handling my partner’s upsets
Helping my partner handle my upsets
Preventing or making the best out of separations
19. What strategies am I willing to start using today?
20. What strategies would my partner most like me to use?
21. Does my relationship need more/less distance to add passion and romance?
22. If we have too much togetherness, what can I do to meet my own needs?
23. If there is too much distance, what fun, exciting, meaningful activities would I be willing to ask or arrange for my partner and I to do?
24. What caring behaviors would I be willing to ask for from my partner:
25. What things am I willing to do that would pleasantly surprise my partner?
26. What negative beliefs do I get about myself when my partner’s behavior disturbs me? What early life experiences first gave me those beliefs?
27. What positive beliefs would I like to adopt about myself instead?
28. What disorders do my partner or I have that could make progress difficult without help?